morning after
thoughts about the impermanence of a hook up written in permanent marker in the places he touched
by Lindsay Bottos
“I washed your lips away.”
this makes me awfully sad.
…
They drug in me is in you.
And I can’t change even if I tried, even if I wanted to.
Realizing that you were a imaginative figure that what he saw was something not real and when he realized it, it was the end but then you realize you we’re doing the same thing trying to make it perfect when it was far from that, but if that’s true why does it hurt so much why can’t I let him go and be myself why do I still stand up for him, when people talk about him all I do is just protect him when I really don’t feel like that I feel so much hatred because when he said he was sorry he wasn’t he was sorry for the relationship going bad but really it was him always being critical telling me everything that was wrong with me tearing me down I don’t believe in doing that because when your with someone your with them for them and who they are but then that’s when you lose yourself trying to be the person they want and that’s why it’s hard for closure when I see him, I see all the flaws but when I’m not around him I see the him that I was so fascinated with but that’s where it comes the feeling that you don’t need anyone and if someone comes in and they say they love you within a week don’t get so caught up in something that really isn’t there but just head but then there’s another twist how do you know it’s not real if you don’t even try but then you do try and you get hurt at the end and I try to pretend that it was never there maybe not exactly how I remember but it was an experience and with experiences your not supposed to regret but learn so here I am venting like always but now it’s not all stuck in my head but out to where if I need to realize the truth then false expectations here it is.
I used to come here… when the world closed in and got so small I couldn’t breathe. I’d look out at the ocean, and I’d think…
(Source: murder-house, via sailormarsss)
What happened to me ?
